Cancer Journey
- Stephanie Horton
- Sep 3, 2019
- 5 min read
Updated: Feb 28, 2020
Note: To those who have been recently diagnosed with cancer or going through treatment, everyone's journey is different. This is my experience and journey, I am not trying to scare anyone. My journey has been a horrible and difficult experience for me and my family. That does not mean it will be the same for you or your loved one.
My journey started with a lump that I felt in April, I assumed it was nothing until the pain hit. The pain caused me to reach out to my doctor who felt it might have been an infection. She still had me go through a mammogram when the antibiotics weren't working. When it showed a lump, I was referred to a surgeon. He had me go through a mammogram again and ultrasound which lead to a biopsy. I was diagnosed with triple-negative breast cancer on May 28th, 2019, which started the appointments with the oncologist. I was told I would start a chemotherapy regimen of Adriamycin, Cytoxin, and Taxol. Then surgery and later radiation.
A bit of backstory: I just recently got married on Halloween of last year and we were trying for children when I got the news. I explained this to the oncologist who suggested I go through fertility before undergoing chemotherapy. The reason behind her suggestion was I may not be able to have children after the chemotherapy regimen. I started my fertility treatments the first week of June and finished the first week of July. The issue with the fertility was my insurance changed the first week of July, the day I had my procedure to have my eggs removed and put on ice. I was left with a massive bill that I can't afford to pay. I can't even afford a payment plan, which has me terrified that my one chance of having children will disappear. I know there's adoption, but I can't afford that either.
The chemotherapy started a week after the egg retrieval. My first Adriamycin aka red devil and Cytoxin (AC) treatment caused me to be incredibly sick. The anti-nausea medications did not work. I was left dry heaving all night long and didn't want to eat anything for the next three days. I also had chest pains and a rapid heartbeat which ended up with me in the hospital on day three. My second round with AC I was a little better only because of the Ativan I was given for my heart. However, I was still very sick. The medication they gave me to increase my white blood cells, made my joints hurt to the point where I could barely walk.
In my third round of AC, my mother-in-law suggested edibles and my support group offered the same since the medications aren't working. I've been against marijuana since the get-go because of what I have seen it do to those around me. However, at my wit's end I gave it a shot and low and behold it got rid of my nausea where legal medications didn't.
My first round of Taxol gave me chest pains, they tested the Taxol again the day after and I got chest pains again. My cancer team decided to put me on Abraxane and I would do eight treatments of it. Well after my first round of Abraxane I couldn't walk, my legs hurt too much. It slowly went away by the weekend, until I had to have treatment again. My oncology team tried prescribing me different medications to no avail. They decided to stop the Abraxane treatment early by three weeks. I went through surgery the first week of December, received my results by the second week that I am cancer free with clear margins. Great news! However, I still have pain in my legs, feet and hands. Nothing has worked to alleviate the pain. My medical oncologist says it'll take a long time for my body to heal, while my radiation oncologist says a year I'll be fine. I'm going through radiation therapy now, I have finished two weeks so far. My skin is fine which is a godsend, however, I have developed a cough and a sense of fluid in my lungs. I talked to the fill-in radiation oncologist and she snapped at me that it's impossible to be from the radiation. The triple-negative breast cancer group I was a part of, I left due to the treatment I received from the girls within the group. Granted this was a Facebook group so they were protected by a screen, I have a feeling they never would have spoken the way they did in person. A few ladies within the group would say how they resented fellow TNBC patients who were stage one. When women complained about the side effects, other members would tell them to just be happy they were alive. I shared with the group how my journey has affected me and a member told me I should be on anti-depressants and see a pastor.
Throughout my journey, I've noticed no one talks about the negative side effects of the treatments or how this has changed and affected their lives. It seems our culture wants to sugar coat it instead of helping people who have been negatively impacted by the cancer treatments. I've spoken with many other women outside of the Facebook group who have said exactly how I've been feeling. "I hate the new me, I want the old me." It's a difficult journey regardless of the type of cancer or the age of the person. Yes some people handle the medications easier than others and have a better recovery than others. However, there are many people who, like myself, can take several years before recovering and getting back on with their lives.
I hate that I can't stand or walk for long periods at a time or even sit for long periods. I can't even type or write for long periods because of the pain. It's frustrating especially because of my age. I'm young and yet I feel like an elderly woman. I'm terrified that this is my life now and that I won't improve. I'm scared I won't have children or be able to pay my bills. I hired an attorney to try and help me with social security as much as I hate myself for it. I just need help with paying the bills since I can't work. However, I didn't work enough credit hours to get SSDI and my husband according to our government makes enough money so I don't qualify for SSI. I don't know how I'm going to pay my student loans in August, I already deferred because of the cancer treatments. Part of me wonders if I should even return to college once everything is done because of the cost and I'm already in debt from my education. I'm left with more unanswered questions and uncertainties about my future that leaves me scared.
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